Need You Now
by xxlovely
Summary: "It's a quarter after one , I'm a little drunk and I need you now . I said I wouldn't call, but I've lost all control , and I need you now." Donna/Harvey One-shot. Loosely based on the Lady Antebellum song "Need You Now."


_Another shot of whiskey_

_ Can't stop looking at the door_

_ Wishing you'd come sweeping_

_In the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I Ever cross your mind _

_For me it happens all the time_

_It's a quarter after one I'm a little drunk _

_And I need you now _

_Said I wouldn't call _

_But I've lost all control _

_And I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without _

_I __just need you now_

**_Need You Now- Lady Antebellum_**

* * *

He loosened the tie around his neck, as his eyes scanned the random bar he'd ended up in. It was a small hole in the wall, somewhere over the Brooklyn Bridge, and if he was brutally honest, he had no idea how he got here. One minute he was walking out of Pearson Specter, straight past Ray's car and next thing he knew he had walked for the best part of an hour, and was on his third finger of scotch. He raised the glass to his lips, taking a large sip as the liquid ran down his throat, leaving a warm sensation in its wake. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but he was on his way to see Donna, craving the familiar, non judgmental company, but he had changed his mind and found himself here. After all, he was Harvey Specter, he didn't need anyone, and he sure as hell wasn't about to start now.

He leant against the bar, propping himself up on his elbow, his eyes fixated on the wooden bar top. He hated this day. For the past five years, October 12th was a day where his world would become a little darker, a little less interesting for the man, and just a hell of a lot more painful than the other 364 days in a year. Guilt consumes him everyday, but today it was almost unbearable.

Harvey Specter had done many things in his life that he wasn't proud of, but his biggest regret? Prioritizing work over his family, every single time. He had had ample opportunity over the years to see his dad, to spend five minutes on the phone to him, to see how his day was, but he often made up excuses, dismissing his father as if he were a complete stranger. It was unintentional, he loved his dad, he worshipped the man, but Harvey was so emotionally stunted that he would rather push the people he loved away, than being vulnerable in any way, shape or form. He wonders how the hell he came from the same gene pool as his father, a man who was in a whole different league to him, a man who despite such heartbreak and pain, held his head high til the bitter end.

Although it's a sad and an inevitable fact of life, you can never prepare yourself to lose a parent, the prospect of someone who has loved you unconditionally from the very beginning, helped shape you into the person you are today, is an unbearable thought, and an excruciating reality. They say time heals, but it's a lie. Time heals nothing but the superficial wounds; time only allows one to learn how to cope, to survive, to exist.

He remembers the day his world crashed around him, as the bar tender slid his fourth glass of scotch towards him, worry evident in his eyes. He remembers the day he found out his dad died, and her face when he broke the news. Harvey had spent the week preceding the event working all hours, desperate to close the biggest case of his career to date, often forgetting to eat, drink or shave. He had given Donna strict instructions to allow no distractions his way until it was over; other cases, other women, other people, could all wait, as far as he was concerned. And of course, one of those people was Gordon Specter.

Harvey remembers the phone call, telling him that the case was closed, that his client was now $250million richer thanks to him, and that Jessica had already transferred a very generous bonus into his account, a bonus he had already spent in his mind, celebrating with the only person he could imagine sharing his news with, Donna. He had never told her, because of her stupid rule, but he spent the last 6 or so years of his life, loving her from afar, completely mesmerised by the red haired wonder. He planned to tell her how he felt, when the time was right, hoping that she would feel the same and not run for the hills. They had a dynamic that worked, they were an unstoppable force. They had both rolled their eyes at Gordon Specter in the past, when he said that it was destiny that the two of them had met, that life had so much more to give to the two of them, together, they just didn't know it yet.

Harvey had been pacing the length of his office, waiting for Donna to return to her cubicle, excited to break the good news to her, but when his eyes finally fell on her, his stomach flipped uneasily, sensing something was wrong. The usual sparkle in her eyes had disappeared, her pale skin almost translucent, her eyes red and bloodshot. She looked like hell.

"Donna" he whispered, a wave of worry hitting him like a tsunami as a single sob escaped her lips. In all the years he had known Donna, he had only seen her cry once, and even then, it was at a movie.

She gulped harshly, her hands firmly by her side as she tried to hide the uncontrollable shaking. "Your dad" she blurted out, her eyes glistening as he felt his body stiffen, his chest tightening. "he had a heart attack." Harvey sucked in a small breath, his eyes wide as he searched her face for any indication that it was some sick joke, that this was some elaborate prank to throw him off his game. But her expression didn't falter. A breath hitched in his throat as he raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, an unspoken question, one that was and would always be too painful to ask.

Donna nodded, losing composure, her bottom lip quivering as the tears finally fell from her eyes. He gave her a curt nod, telling her that he understood, his dad was dead. Pursing his lips in a tight line, he fought his emotions, forcing his expression to remain stern, that even know he had an emotionally stunted reputation to uphold. He turned towards the shelves of records as the tears stung his eyes, staring at hundreds of reminders of his father and the love of jazz music they shared.

"Harvey" she muttered, standing behind him, her warm breath, hot on his neck "I'm so sorry" and she was. She had met Gordon Specter on numerous occasions over the years and they were besotted with one another, in fact, it made Harvey jealous sometimes. Harvey would joke to the two of them, that the sole reason his dad would call the office was to speak to Donna, rather than him, to which he would always reply, "_Can you blame me?"_

He swallowed back a sob, losing the fight with the emotions, his throat dry. "It's okay" he tried to reassure her, his back still to here as he muttered "oh my god" so quietly not even Donna heard. She turned away, letting go as the sobs of grief racked through her body, the tears streaming down her face.

The next few days were a blur for him, surviving on autopilot and a diet of scotch and take out that Louis brought to him every evening. Donna had tried to be there for him, but he pushed her away, silently resenting her, blaming her, even though it wasn't her fault. He was an intelligent man, he knew what was real from what was fake, but as far as he was concerned the woman that he loved had destroyed him. Why did Donna have to break the news to him? Why did she have to be the one to turn his world upside down? He wanted nothing more than to hold onto her tightly, to listen to her soft melodic voice as she told him that they'll get through this together. But he couldn't see past the pain she had inflicted through no fault of her own, her face would always be the reminder of his father's death.

It took some time, but he managed to separate the death of his father from Donna as he noticed the day-to-day effect her absence had on his life. She was always there, ready to catch him, but it wasn't until the day of Gordon Specter's funeral that he fell.

She sat outside his condo, suit draped over her lap, a cup of now freezing coffee laying beside her as she drifted in and out of sleep, leaning against his door. She had tried calling him, tried knocking, hell, she was one step away from sounding the fire alarm just to get a response, but he refused to open the door. She looked down at her black dress, her face void of make up, knowing that there was no point, not even the worlds best waterproof mascara could help her that day. She jumped at the sound of shattering glass from the other side of the door, followed by Harvey's voice bellowing through the apartment "Ah, fuck!" She jumped to her feet, pressing her ear against the door as he continued to chant the word 'fuck' over and over again.

"Harvey" she pleaded, resting her forehead against the door "Harvey, please let me in" She closed her eyes, feeling helpless as all went quiet. He was still ignoring her. She sighed, taking a step back, ready to turn away when the door opened. "Harvey." She looked at the man, broken, in front of her, eyes framed with dark lines from days of sleepless nights. She gasped as she caught sight of his hand, blood seeping through his crisp white shirt, his face scrunched up in pain. "Oh my god Harvey"

She pushed him back into his apartment, discarding his suit on the sofa as she dragged him towards the bathroom like a child. Wordlessly she rummaged through his cabinets, searching for a first aid box as he stared at the red liquid pouring out of the cut, finding it somewhat soothing. She watched his expression as she wrapped a cloth around his hand to stop the bleeding, applying pressure. "Harvey" she tried again, his eyes flickering to her face for a second "Harvey please let me in, please let me be here for you" No response. She frowned "It's okay, I miss him too you know."

His face shot up, his expression hardening, his free hand balling into a fist "He was my dad Donna, not yours." he spat, chest heaving. She loosened her grip on his hand, taking a step back, his words cutting through her. She knew it was almost certainly all down to grief, but it still hurt. Gordon was like a father to her, he knew that, he knew that all too well.

"You're right" she agreed, giving him a sad smile. "I'll just go..." she placed the cloth on the sink, as she turned around to leave, feeling tears well up again.

He sighed, grabbing her by the shoulder "Donna, wait." she stopped, back still too him. "I'm sorry, please don't go." it was her turn to be silent as she stared at the door, the weight of the world on her shoulders "I _need_ you." She turned around, desperate to know why he'd been shutting her out for the last week, but she knew that it wasn't the right time, that there probably would never be a good time to ask.

She cleaned him up, dressed him in his favorite suit and stood by his side through the whole service. She didn't leave his side as he carried the coffin into the church alongside his brother and his uncles. She didn't flinch as she made her way to the alter as he stumbled over his tribute to his father, finishing his sentences as he broke down beside her. She didn't twitch or grimace as he gripped her hand tightly as his coffin was lowered to the ground, covered in dirt. She didn't leave when he begged her to stay later that night, holding him as he fell into a tortured sleep to the sound of his father's jazz tapes.

If he's been counting correctly, he's now on scotch number eight and it was already one in the morning. The bar had emptied out, besides a few other, equally drunk men sitting in the corners, nursing their glass of poison, struggling with their own inner demons. He starred at his phone, his fingers running along the screen as he searched through his contact list, he didn't want to be alone tonight. He thought of all the nameless girls he could ring, who would happily spend the night with him, make him forget everything, but there was only one girl he truly wanted by his side.

"Where are you Harvey?" the voice muttered on the other end, sleep evident in her tone. He pinched the bridge of his nose, already regretting calling her. She was expecting a call from him at some point during the night, just like he had done every year on this day.

"At some bar" he slurred, his voice hoarse.

She yawned, sitting up in bed, turning the light on as she became more alert "There are thousands of bars in the City Harvey, can you be a little bit more specific for me?" He was expecting her to sound annoyed, but her tone was soft, full of concern.

"Over the Brooklyn Bridge"

She rolled her eyes, knowing that she wasn't going to get a coherent answer off the man, another idea hitting her "Okay Harvey I'll be there in a bit, sit tight." he mumbled the word 'okay' as she hung up, searching through her apps until she landed on 'find a friend', thank god for stalkerish IPhone apps. She threw on pair of jeans and an oversized sweatshirt, grabbing her purse before searching the streets for a taxi. He was at a bar about 15 minutes away from her apartment, and grotty place, very unlike Harvey, she thought.

She frowned at the sight of him slumped over the bar, clutching onto the empty scotch glass. She smiled at the bar man apologetically, assuring him they'd be gone soon as he sat beside her "Hey" she whispered, causing him to look up at her.

"You found me." he smiled, staring at her through hooded eyes.

"How're you holding up?" she asked, referring to the obvious as she grabbed his jacket off of the back of his chair, folding it across her arms. He shrugged, looking back towards the empty glass.

"I'm sorry I called." he muttered quietly, avoiding eye contact "I just..." he trailed off, shaking his head, not knowing how to finish his sentence.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, I'll always be here for you. How about we get out of here"

He nodded, stumbling to his feet as she grabbed his arm, throwing it over her shoulder for support. The cab journey back to her apartment was silent, as she watched him fall in and out of consciousness.

"This is not my apartment" he observed as she dragged him inside, his eyes scanning the familiar yet strange environment. She wrapped her arms around herself as she watched him, noticing his eyes light up in recognition, piecing his memories together. "I haven't been here since..."

"The other time? Yeah i know." she murmured, approaching him as her hands found her way to his shirt "Let's get you into bed."

"Are you trying to seduce me Paulsen?" he asked suggestively, wriggling his eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes, as he stared at her with a shocked expression, her fingers slowly unbuttoning his shirt, slipping her hands under the fabric as she pushed it off his shoulders, leaving him in a white vest. "What are you doing?" he asked, sounding surprisingly sober as her hands skilfully undid his belt, unbuttoning his pants. He stepped out of his trousers as she pointed towards the bedroom; an amused smile on her face as he half stumbled half ran towards her bed. She picked up his shirt and pants, folding them alongside his jacket, placing it on the table, knowing that he would be pissed if he woke up and saw it creased.

She grabbed two bottles of water out of the fridge, as she turned out the living room light, walking into the bedroom to find him propped up against the wardrobe, looking out of the window, out at the city. "Right Mister, let's get you into bed" she declared, pulling back the sheets as he collapsed onto the mattress with a thud. He shot her a lopsided smile, his eyes half closed, sleep threatening to consume him.

He patted the bed next him "So are you coming or not?"

She laughed, shimmying off her jeans as she crawled into bed next to him, turning to face him " you do know that nothing is going to happen, right?" she asked as he continued to wriggle his eyebrows.

"What about second base?" he slurred promisingly, plastering a grin on his face. She hit his arm playfully as he through an arm across her waist, pulling her towards him. She smiled against his chest as he whispered in her ear "Do you think my dad knew i love him?"

She looked up at him, brushing the hair back off his face and smiled "Of course he did Harvey"

"I miss him." he admitted, his eyes glazing over. She reached up, wiping away the stray tear that managed to escape from his eyes with the pad of her thumb, letting her hand linger on his face.

"I miss him too" He let out a yawn, "sleep, you have a meeting at 9am, and i am not peeling you off of the floor because you're too hung over to function."

"Yes ma'am" He smiled, resting his chin on her head "Thank you"

"You're welcome"

She let out a gasp as his hand slipped down her back, quickly grabbing her ass "Harvey!" she exclaimed, wriggling in his embrace as he laughed.

"Score, second base!" he looked triumphant as she rolled her eyes "now I'll go to sleep, goodnight." he kissed her forehead, his body relaxing against hers as soft snores escaped his lips within seconds.

She watched the broken man sleep, his chest moving up and down slowly as she bit her lip feeling guilty to feel so content, so safe in his arms under such circumstances. A sad smile found its way onto her face as she let her mind drift off, remembering the last words Gordon Specter told her, a mere day before his death.

_Harvey has never needed anything in his life, except you. One day the two of you will realize how deep that need is, but until then, look after my boy._

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**Another one? I know, I'm sorry. I am in the process of updating everything though as I have the next couple of days off, so don't panic.**

**I just want to say thank you to everyone that takes the time to read/follow/favorite and review.**

**Loved this? Hated this? Want to hold on to Harvey and never let go after this? Tell me your thoughts!**

**x**


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